Silent Reservations

I don't know who this might help or apply to, but it's definitely for somebody. You've been hurt in your relationship with God, either by the gradual process of falling away into darkness, having a dream and not seeing it come to manifestation in what you believed to be a timely manner, or having a viewpoint that you failed Him because you could have done better, done more, lived to the higher standard that the more "Christians" you met, the more you realized they didn't have. You're all alone now, and tired of feeling dead. You think you have enough desire to make a comeback. You decide that you're going to repair this problem by making things right with God. You resolve to do better. You swear that you're not going to waste anymore time. No more will you stand by idle. But something isn't right. You can't go full throttle anymore, and it's because you were devastated and can't risk that again. The pain was near overwhelming before, you almost never came back. So you subconsciously draw a line concerning God that you will not cross. You can only commit so far, because you don't want to be dropped from so high again, because you're pretty sure you would never recover. You refuse to be that vulnerable ever again! So you make certain that you won't extend yourself to that dangerous of a point. You watch from the sidelines instead of making the driving plays. It's safe. But, the reason you do all this is that really because somehow, during your isolated and hurt time, you forgot what God called you to be. What He said you are and will be for Him. Just who He promised you would become. You forgot how intense the visions He gave you in order to answer His call were. Why then do you think you can come back to a righteous life and be apprehensive and so far removed? What part of anything God ever showed you do you think you can do with anything less than absolute full throttle? Yes, the pain you felt was real. And no, it never is easy to be as humble as it really takes, and as trusting as it really takes to not have those scars jeopardize the future quality of life with God, like they're doing now. He truly wants you to remember the resurrective power He is willing to share with you. God wants you to recall the fact that restorative regeneration is something He is always eager to share with you again. But He also holds you accountable for what you refuse to see or are unable to see due to your sin. And then the true things of God are hidden from you, and you operate with far less power than you should. The whole thing becomes a nightmarish, fevered effort by you to stay somewhere in between. This isn't about or even referring to a lukewarm issue, that's entirely different. This is about being healed. This is about being fully restored back to the person who put it all on the line because the promises of God are all they knew and cared about. About becoming the person once again who held nothing back, again becoming the recipient of the benefits of being a child of God who is abandoned fully to Him. God is faithful to complete the work he began in you so long ago. He wants you to jump off the edge using that amazing level of faith He gave you, for a time just like this . . .

Darkness

Darkness. It happens to most of us at some point or another in our walk with God. I'm not talking about the minor setback that slows us down for a bit. I'm talking about the major (or at least very seemingly to us at the time) setbacks that all but stop us. Paralyzing every area of growth, it halts all progress and drains us of the very will to move on. When it takes hold of you, you get disgusted about your relationship with God and become self-loathing. In extreme levels of this, you try to dismiss the importance of the relationship in the first place in an attempt to justify. I read a book by Tim Storey once that talked about not letting your "setback" become you "step back". He warned of this because all too often, that's what happens in these situations. It's what has happened to me recently, and this is why there have been no blogs. I am forthcoming about this because frankly, I'm called to use such honesty in what will someday become my style of ministry. I do this because it is relating to others with genuineness that softens their hearts to accept and apply what's being said.
Anyway, when darkness consumes us in this way, we cut ourselves off from outside support. Partially out of guilt and shame, and partially because sin divides and conquers by nature. Satan bathes in his perverted version of joy from seeing us successfully separated from God and from the people that God puts in our lives that were meant to support and build us up. The real danger of darkness is the hopelessness that it purveys into a person's viewpoint. It alters what is real and morphs it into something that is built entirely on a lie. This view feels SO real that every action and inaction we take is affected by it. The separation causes us to make bad choices that have outcomes that further annihilate and sever. A very base reality of being a human being is a certain level of susceptibility to things like this.
This is why God has put so much effort into giving us all that we need to pull out of it. How often it is though, that we choose to endure that private hell without letting Him heal and restore us. The trap is very real. Anything that separates you from God's plan for your life should be attacked with reckless abandon. If you wake up one day and wonder, "How did I end up here?", it's already much later than it should be. You've been leeched from by darkness, inflicted and transformed into a shell of who you were. The real key to preventing this from happening to you is to know exactly how to stop it before it takes hold. That's difficult when by nature, it sneaks into your life. Look for signs of rebellion that start out disguised as "independent thinking". I'm all for independent thinking when that's what it is, but it simply isn't always so. If you humble yourself to God, you can worry a lot less about rebellion creeping up on you. There's intense power in getting on your knees and turning to Him for help. Verbally admitting to God that you need guidance and asking Him to save you from yourself can be more freeing than you might expect. Watch for "no time" to invest in the Word or prayer. When you do disappoint yourself, stand tall and fight inch by inch to overcome through God's power. Get the tenacity of a bull-dog and REFUSE to be a victim of ignorance. Open your heart to God and remind Him that He said he would get you through it. Some rough times are ordained by God for your personal development. Never think that this is the case when you are spiritually deteriorating. More soon.