Silent Reservations

I don't know who this might help or apply to, but it's definitely for somebody. You've been hurt in your relationship with God, either by the gradual process of falling away into darkness, having a dream and not seeing it come to manifestation in what you believed to be a timely manner, or having a viewpoint that you failed Him because you could have done better, done more, lived to the higher standard that the more "Christians" you met, the more you realized they didn't have. You're all alone now, and tired of feeling dead. You think you have enough desire to make a comeback. You decide that you're going to repair this problem by making things right with God. You resolve to do better. You swear that you're not going to waste anymore time. No more will you stand by idle. But something isn't right. You can't go full throttle anymore, and it's because you were devastated and can't risk that again. The pain was near overwhelming before, you almost never came back. So you subconsciously draw a line concerning God that you will not cross. You can only commit so far, because you don't want to be dropped from so high again, because you're pretty sure you would never recover. You refuse to be that vulnerable ever again! So you make certain that you won't extend yourself to that dangerous of a point. You watch from the sidelines instead of making the driving plays. It's safe. But, the reason you do all this is that really because somehow, during your isolated and hurt time, you forgot what God called you to be. What He said you are and will be for Him. Just who He promised you would become. You forgot how intense the visions He gave you in order to answer His call were. Why then do you think you can come back to a righteous life and be apprehensive and so far removed? What part of anything God ever showed you do you think you can do with anything less than absolute full throttle? Yes, the pain you felt was real. And no, it never is easy to be as humble as it really takes, and as trusting as it really takes to not have those scars jeopardize the future quality of life with God, like they're doing now. He truly wants you to remember the resurrective power He is willing to share with you. God wants you to recall the fact that restorative regeneration is something He is always eager to share with you again. But He also holds you accountable for what you refuse to see or are unable to see due to your sin. And then the true things of God are hidden from you, and you operate with far less power than you should. The whole thing becomes a nightmarish, fevered effort by you to stay somewhere in between. This isn't about or even referring to a lukewarm issue, that's entirely different. This is about being healed. This is about being fully restored back to the person who put it all on the line because the promises of God are all they knew and cared about. About becoming the person once again who held nothing back, again becoming the recipient of the benefits of being a child of God who is abandoned fully to Him. God is faithful to complete the work he began in you so long ago. He wants you to jump off the edge using that amazing level of faith He gave you, for a time just like this . . .